1 Ignore Jesus’ request in John 4:35 that we take a long hard look at the fields. Seeing the needs of people can be depressing and very unsettling. It could lead to genuine missionary concern.
2 Focus your energy on socially acceptable targets. Go for a job with a big salary. Focus on career ambitions. Pick out that car you want, that phone you want, those clothes you want – that material life you want.
3 Get married to someone who thinks the “Great Commission” is what your employer gives you after a big sale. After marriage, settle for the good life – nice house, good career, picture-perfect family.
4 Stay away from missionaries. Their testimonies will be disturbing. The situations they describe will distract you from whole-heartedly embracing the materialistic lifestyle of your home country.
5 If you happen to think about missions, restrict your attention to places in the world where it is impossible to do missionary work such as North Korea. Forget the vast areas of our globe open to mission.
6 Think about your past failures in life and realise how bad a missionary that would make you. Forget about the likes of Moses, David, Jonah or Peter who moved past failure to serve God.
7 Always imagine missionaries as talented, super-spiritual people who stand on lofty pedestals. Convince yourself that God could never use someone ordinary like you.
8 Agree with anyone that tells you that you are indispensable where you are. Listen and believe those who tell you how vital you are at home.
9 Worry about money – assume you could never enter the mission field because of a lack of it. Where would the funding come from? Forget that the church has a mandate to send and support workers for the harvest.
10 If you do feel you must go, do so quickly without sufficient preparation or training. You’ll burn out quickly and be back home safe and sound in no time!